United by loneliness

Today, we are more connected than ever before, yet we feel so completely and utterly alone.
This time has given me the opportunity to introspect, for better or for worse, so here are my two cents.

I used to think that being productive and the feeling of conquering the day was all that mattered. So I woke up early, I drank my coffee, I worked hard, I studied, I laughed with my friends and I worked some more. I had passion and purpose. I was living out my dream. And yet, I felt like it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.

I spent a long time negotiating my emotions, locking them up, and storing them in a nice little cubby hole in the corner of my mind. I belittled my emotions coaxing myself into believing that there are people without food and shelter – that my problems didn’t matter. I have pushed people away, because I believed I was strong enough and smart enough to do it on my own.

I made every single mistake before realizing how far away from the truth I was.
And I implore you not to do the same.

Mental illness is a wily, shape-shifting demon, one that can slither into your mind when you least expect it. One that can rear it’s ugly horns when you’re at the pinnacle of success or at the lowest point of your life. It can come at any intensity; at any time; to any person. You are not immune, your B lymphocytes and self-help books can’t protect you. So I just want to say, your situation doesn’t negate your emotion.

You matter.
Your problems matter.
Your happiness matters.

You have every right to feel the way you do, you are not expected to ‘figure it out’, you are not weak for asking for help. I’m done perpetuating this air of self-sufficiency only to cry myself to sleep. I’m done telling myself that I’m strong enough or smart enough to do it on my own. I want to be brave enough to ask for help, to be kind enough to be asked.

We have eighty-six billion neurons, so I want people to stop thinking they know how others feel. I want us to stop hiding in our cubby holes and have the difficult conversations. We live in this stressful, opinionated world, riddled with struggle. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s easy.

Do what you makes you smile. It’s too damn long a life to live it unhappy.

You matter.

Your happiness matters.
You are not alone.