Monkey-mind

Having spent a LOT of my days on autopilot, only finding joy in the moment I slipped into bed, I often wondered when it would get better. When I would leap out of bed with a giant smile and find joy in every moment. When my mind wouldn’t be constantly scrolling down that goddamn, never-ending to-do list. Rather than being grateful for what I have, I find myself constantly on this wild goose chase for satisfaction. Then I stumbled on this article about mindfulness. Sure, I first thought it was some spiritual mumbo-jumbo, only to realise that its actually pretty straightforward.

It’s about focusing on the present, and being fully engaged in where we are as opposed to dreaming about the future or mourning the past. It’s that invisible string that pulls you back to the life you feel so disconnected from. It’s not as easy as it sounds, but its definitely doable. Just taking a few minutes to centre yourself as a practise can make this your template for the future.

Imagine a life, where every single moment feels like it’s too good to be true?

Mindfulness tells you the answer isn’t lost somewhere in the Bahamas, but right in your head. You just have to find it.

All this reading made me realise how much I want that in my life, how I want to get out of this rut of self-destruction and make the most of what I have. Sitting atop the long list of things that distract me from living in the moment is my most prized possession, my phone. Hence, I am starting this journey to imbibing mindfulness with a few hours away from that gadget. Day one saw jittery hands and forced efforts to stay way, but I think it gets easier. If you’ll have any tips to practising mindfulness do let me know!

As per usual, all these thoughts were poured into this short, structure-less verse – that is similar to my current state of mind. Here’s hoping I can tame the madness and slowly, eventually be more mindful of every moment.

All I desire,
a second of solitude,
a sliver of silence,
when the air,
gushing in
and out of my lungs
pushing my diaphragm,
is louder,
than the clamor,
between my ears,
To unwind,
turn back the clock,
To hush the spasm,
Beneath my eyelids,
And the double-jointed,
contortionist in my Gray.
When missed moments,
and pilfered promises,
don't wrack my bones,
and swindle,
the artfully constructed,
tower of sanity,
when a single word,
from your lush lips,
doesn't see pillage,
A lost game of Jenga,
you pull out one piece,
and I come crashing down,
every. single. time.

Have you ever felt this way? Share your thoughts on ‘mindfulness’ in the comments below!